My kids..

I'm not in a good frame of mind right now to talk about Ingrid. My first baby.. beautiful baby.. that Benj and I lost at the age of two to a genetic disorder that brought on a disease that was similar to muscular distrophy. It gradually weakened Ingrid's body and brought on her death. It's strange how time has dulled the pain and I am not affected by this in my day to day life - but any time I think about her and spend some time talking about her, it's like it happened yesterday and the pain comes back... the pain comes back with such force and reality and hurtfulness... It will never be easy to go back there I guess and that is probably good... Ingrid would have been in her late 30's now and I have to wonder what could have been for this bright and sensitive little soul. One thing I learned from this experience, and this was re-inforced by my illness last year.. is that we have to enjoy our time on this world of ours because it can be taken away from us at any time. Once our time is up, that's it baby.... so enjoy, do things you can while you can.. experience life... don't be afraid to try new things.. learn to love and be loved.. blah blah blah...

If there was any good that came from losing our Ingrid, it opened another door.. a door that we would never have considered if she had remained healthy. The door opened to give us the opportunity to have a family by adoption. We were so lucky to be in the right place at the right time to adopt Jill when we lived up in Inuvik in '85. When we moved to Yellowknife, we applied to social services for a second child and Jesse rounded out our family in '88. Benj and I had first considered adoption as an alternative to having our family but were very afraid .. or concerned that it might not work for us after the pain we went through. We worried that we could never feel the same about a child that wasn't naturally conceived by us.. we soon learned that this was not an issue. Both of the kids, Jill and Jesse, were instantly "our" kids and there was never any difference in our feelings or acceptance of these two wonderful children as part of our real family. I am not sure how to express this, but I am so happy that we made that decision to take in these two kids and especially now - considering where my life has gone. I have two children that are now young adults.. two children that have had their share of distress in their lives in spite of the love that we have for them... my kids whom I love and am so happy to see how they are now gaining some direction in their lives. And of course, my grand daughter.... my baby's baby .. that sweet little child Shaya that I so adore...

Jill is enrolled in Island College in Courtney BC taking a photography course. She has worked hard to get things set up to take this course and I am so proud of her that she has found a way to get trained in a field that helps her to express her artsy fartsy side.. she is so talented and this is only a beginning for her to create her future doing things that she loves to do.

Jesse... ahhh my sweet loving little boy is such a big young man now. I thought that I had lost my boy and I guess I did for a while... but it looks like Jesse is back now and as with Jill, I am so very proud and happy for Jesse that he has taken back some control of his life. He has found a way to get into college attending NAIT in Edmonton and is taking an Aircraft Maintenance course. Jesse could never be accused of being artsy fartsy and this course is step one in developing the "hands on" type of skills that Jesse posseses.

Both the kids are lucky to have S.O.'s in their lives that support them in what they do. Wayne and Nikki have been positive influences for them and I so hope that their lives are happy and fruitful and I want them to know how extremely extremely happy that I am and will continue to be a part of them..