If there is such a thing as "our song", this would be it.

Relationships - The final frontier!!!

I started this blog with the idea in mind that it would hopefully make interesting reading for some of my friends and relatives, my kids, and of course any and all grandchildren that come along in the future. An opportunity to get to know who grandpa was and what his life was like. I can just see it - it's the year 2022 and 15 year old Shaya Latimer Eirikson has been reading grandpa's blog for a couple of hours - finally she walks up to her mom (who is frazzled and preparing meals for Wayne and their other seven kids) and says.. "Do I have to read any more of Grandpa's blog.. all he talks about is the women in his life and it's totally boring.. didn't he have any other interests???!!!

OK..This is my last post regarding my relationships but I had to get you through this part of my life because a person's soul mate is by far the most important part of our raison d'etre - it has just taken me a bit longer than most normal people to find mine. But, find her I have!

The Julie I have referred to several times now is Julie Peterson. *SIGH* Another of those wonderful blond Scandinavians from the great state of Minnesota. Julie and I met several years ago online when we were both playing a word game called Psychobabble. This game helped me pass many long hours in the evenings when I was alone in Yellowknife and tending to my hospital medivac contract. The game had a chat option and I had noticed Julie (One Wise Woman) several times as she was quite adept at the game and not shy about her wordly talents. I started to harass her - but in a nice way - and she put up with me and eventually we started to have some rather deep conversations at the expense of our concentration on the word game. As before, I'm not going to bore anyone with details but after a few months, Julie finally gave in and allowed me to phone her. Being the charming boy that I am, it only took another 3-5 months to convince Julie that we had to meet face to face and finally a rendez-vous was set up for Caddy Lake Resort in the Whiteshell Park. I have to tell you about our first meeting as it is probably the most frightened I have ever been in my life. Arriving at the resort in a steady rain, I pulled up to the office and noticed a purple Grand Prix with Minnesota plates parked nearby. It was so funny when I checked in as the old couple that ran the place were quite interested in the lady from Minnesota and me with my NWT plates. Anyways, I trudged apprehensively up to our cabin and was greeted at the door by an extremely striking blond woman who appeared to be nowhere as friendly as the one I had been talking with online and on the telephone. I think my first words as I stood on the steps as the rain ran down my nose were to the effect that I had left my suitcase in my vehicle (thinking that she would let me in and we could wait for the rain to stop before getting my stuff) but noooooo.. she said I had better go get in now and I honestly thought I would come back to a locked door with no options but to beat a hasty retreat and be forced to give up on Minnesota women forever! It turns out that she was as scared as I was and friendly Julie appeared once she realized I was safe.

Julie and I had a wonderful 4 days at Caddy Lake and it was the start of a relationship that has evolved into something that I often stop to consider how lucky I am to have found her... who would have thought that a simple online game would give us both the opportunity to discover each other and allow us the happiness that we have come to share. In order to reassure ourselves that we were compatible, one of the things we felt that we should do was to try to spend some time together over an extended period - just to see how we coped with each other on a daily basis. Julie actually moved up to the NWT and spent a year with me in the North and that period only solidified what we felt for each other. In addition to my health concerns, the main reason for my move back to Manitoba was the fact that it is much closer geographically to this woman that I love so dearly. It gives us the opportunity to see each other on a semi-regular basis and once I am settled and my business, my work schedule, and my finances are set, we intend to sit down and make some very serious plans for the rest of our lives... we have not talked about marriage yet, other than hypothetically, but I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we were meant to be and it just took a long long time to find each other.

There are so many things that we like to do together and we really do enjoy each other's company. Whether it's cycling, browsing through bookstores, shopping for shoes, snowshoeing, road trips, trying new restaurants, ice cream, kayaking, cross word puzzles (when she lets me help), music, cooking, golf, canoeing, quiet times, long walks, thunderstorms, our grandkids, a good book, attending concerts and sports events, the lake, ice cream (whoops, did I repeat myself), back roads, coffee shops, farmers markets, touristy stuff, finding the best price for gas, and on and on... and there are so many things we have yet to do... ah Jewels, I t'aime avec toute mon coeur.

OK.. lets focus on something new. After all, the title is life after 60 and it's been a history lesson so far. Although, history is required in order to explain how I got here.. oh well, lets see where it goes.

Relationships (cont'd)

Living on my own in the big city...OK, Yellowknife isn't that big, but this was a new experience for me. I was very busy with work at the Travel Agency as well as my contract with the hospital and I settled into a bit of a work rut with the odd golf game thrown in during the summer. I dated a couple of times locally but it scared me because I felt that women in my age group were looking for some kind of committed relationship and anyone who knows me, knows that committment is not something that comes easily. Actually, I shouldn't say that but it wasn't quite time to settle into another relationship at this stage.

OK, I'm not going to get into any gory details (after all, children may read this one day) but since I travelled a fair amount, my thought process at the time was that it would be nice to meet and get to know women that did not live in YK - that way I could enjoy their company and still be at a safe distance. I was home alone many evenings and up late doing medical travel issues and this is where I discovered the internet and the doors that it could open for me. I listed a bio on a "Personal" site in Edmonton and 'lo and behold, I actually was contacted by a few women. I met some of them in person over the next little while, and I found out that there were many other lonely people out there just like me. They were just looking for someone to spend time with, possibly start a relationship and most of them were very nice good people. I started to feel pretty good about myself as I had experienced grave doubts about how I would react or handle myself in any kind of new relationship. It had been a long time as I had been alone for many years... even when Benj was with me the last ten years or so lacked any form of intimacy and I think that finding out that I could actually go out on a date and be able to handle whatever consequences arose from this gave my ego and confidence a great boost. I was having fun, I was free, and I was safe.

One day I received an email from a lady in Minnesota... ahhh.. Minnesota - home of such wonderful blond women of Scandinavian decent (I was to find out later that women from Minnesota would be my achilles heel when it came to relationships *grin*). Cheryl had come across my bio somehow and out of the blue, contacted me. We hit it off right away and really enjoyed the initial online relationship. We exchanged photos, we talked on the phone, and we eventually met in person. Everything seemed to click and after a year or so which included several trips to Minnesota, she came up to YK to live with me. I realized fairly quickly that although I felt I was really ready for a committed relationship, that either I wasn't ready, or it was wrong (probably a combination of both). As I stated above, there are no gory details to be hashed and rehashed other than the fact that a weak relationship got much weaker with the stresses of running a business together that was doomed to fail. Reflections, our restaurant/gift shop/hell hole would eventually break us financially and affect my physical and mental health. Our relationship ended at my choice. It was the first time that I can remember where I actually had the balls to address an extremely personal and tense situation and in this case, force the issue of seperation. I am not proud of myself over my relationship with Cheryl although I feel that we both grew from it and although she hates me, she is probably much stronger as a result of the short time we had together.

Anyways, it was time to cool my jets and park the relationship train for a while... or so I thought!

Thoughts at this stage.

Well, for someone that is totally computer illiterate, this is coming along fairly well. Chris would be so proud of me actually moving a YouTube music file onto these pages - actually he would probably shit his pants he'd be so surprised!

Anyways, at this stage there has been a lot of stuff posted about my past and that doesn't co-incide with the theme of "Life after Sixty"... but... I had to get here somehow and my posts to date along with the next few are going to relate more to how I got here. It will probably be boring but I keep thinking that in addition to my kids and friends having a bit more insight as to who this Dad/Jim Eirikson guy is and why he acts so strange at times... this is for me to open up a bit and for my grand kids so they will know more about grandpa one day. I can't imagine that the internet will be around when Shaya is grown up.. well, not in the form it is in right now but I would think that history will always be accessible on this medium.

I'm actually enjoying this so far and I think it is good for me to reflect and jot down thoughts and memories. I hope that it is something that I can continue to work at and that it remains interesting and fun.

OK..that's all I got for now. Let's get on with it.

More Music - One of my all time favorites.

Music

So, I'm updating my profile and one section asks for my favorite music ... so I start to list some of my favorite songs and groups etc... an as I love my music, it takes a while. And I go to update my changes and I find out I can't have over 2000 characters in that section..

So, here's the list cut and pasted from the profile just to name a few of my favorites!

Lay Down Beside Me - Alison Kraus and John Waite = If Julie ever marries me this will be our song,
Killing the Blues - Alison Kraus and Robert Plante - nice together,
Wishin' and Hopin' - Ani DiFranco = nice new version of old simple song,
The Girl from Impanema - Astrud Gilberto = always a good listen,
I Saw Her Standing There - The Beatles = so Lucky to have this group from my Era,
Turn the Page - Bob Seger = I like a lot of his stuff and this is a classic,
Rainy Night in Georgia - Brook Benton = easy listening,
Please Don't Think I'm Nosy - Charlie Musselwhite - easy blues,
Since You've been Gone - Cheryl Wheeler = new artist,
My Friends - Dar Williams = Julie introduced me to this folkis stuff,
That's Amore - Dean Martin = catchie tune,
Sunshine Superman - Donovan = oh yeah,
Waltzing Matilda (Guitar Version) - The Down Under Vocal Band = over and over,
Tennessee Road - Eliza Gilkyson = Oh sooo nice,
My Father's Eyes - Eric Clapton = love all his stuff,
At Last - Etta James = great love song,
Songbird/Tall Trees in Georgia - Eva Cassidy = what a great singer and died so young,
Bad to the Bone - George Thorogood = my idea of good rock music,

Fever - Helen Shapiro/Patsy Cline = and anyone else that sings it!
Summertime - Janis Joplin = another that died too young,
Old Flame - Jill Barber = just found her recently,
My Baby's Gone/Sorry - Joan Armatrading = nice voice,
Furry Sings the Blues - Joni Mitchell = catchie,
Always - Leonard Cohen = what a great talent,
Lake Charles - Lucinda Williams = I love her sexy voice,
Broken Things - Lucy Kaplansky = another new singer to me/nice,
She's Leaving Because she Wants to - Lyle Lovett =I like a lot of his stuff,
I Wish I Were - Martha Wainwright = ditto Kaplansky,
Dream River - The Mavericks = this song has made me cry - of course what doesn't??!
Oh Mary - Neil Diamond = great voice,
Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Nina Simone = I loooveee her,
Turn me On - Nora Jones = I like a lot of her stuff,
The Dock of the Bay - Otis Redding = Always loved this song,
Old Cape Cod - Patti Page = MMMmmm,
Feelin' Love - Paula Cole = different/catchy tune,
Monty Got a Raw Deal - REM = this was a great band,
Honky Tonk Women - The Stones = how lucky to grow up with this music!,
Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega = there is a story to this one,
Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis - Tom Waits = Long Way Home/The Piano Has been Drinking/Tom Traubert's Blues/I Wish I was in New Orleans/Day After Tomorrow,

Honky Tonk Heros - Waylon Jennings = love his voice,
Stardust - Willie Nelson = how does he stay alive?

Relationships - Benj

Ohhhhh relationships. Yeah...well it's been interesting, (for me anyways), the journey I have taken to arrive at this stage of my "relationship" life. I first married at a young age - Benj and I were both 21 and we are all so wise and indestructible at that age - aren't we? The euphoria of that first really true love and overlooking some very obvious problems that I don't need to get into at this time. We were both very happy, at least I thought we were, and we lived what seemed to be a normal life together enjoying our friends, our families, our work, our home and time passed by and things were good. I saw this lifestyle to be my destiny as far as my relationship went, we were happy in spite of what were normal relationship problems for a young couple and we were blessed... so truly blessed with the arrival of our baby Ingrid in '73.

Oh god it is difficult to think back to that brief time that we were able to have this lovely little girl in our lives. I will dedicate future pages to children but the loss of Ingrid was the start of the end of our relationship as it was. We were both devastated by our loss and for many years I didn't really realize as to what extent it had on Benj. We took some time off and travelled to Europe and spent a year cycling through those beautiful foreign countries and enjoying a lifestyle that we really hadn't thought of or realized that it existed and while I slotted my pain deep down inside of me and didn't really let it surface or directly affect me, Benj wasn't so lucky. A depression that I never did recognize within her had a new and potent fuel to feed on and it must have hurt her in a way that no-one around her could understand. She didn't talk about it but she changed... or evolved into a state that she had shown signs of previously, but one I either didn't see or overlooked.

We moved back to Canada and settled in and although things seemed to be much the same, there was always that underlying depression that affected us and there since there was no communication or effort to get counseling, life went on. We undertook a new journey to the north which appeared to rejuvenate our lives. We discussed various options as far as children - we could not have our own child as genetics dictated that a there was a one in four chance of our natural offspring would have the same disease as Ingrid and it was far to risky to go there. We were just in the process of going to family services to list our names for possible adoption when we received a phone call from a local lady saying that her housekeeper was expecting a baby any day and was looking for a couple to adopt this child. She was aboriginal and although the concept was new to us, private adoption is a normal thing among aboriginal people in the north. Diane knew about us and gave us a gift that I will always be thankful to her for. Lindsay Jill came into our lives in Inuvik in June '85 and a year later, we moved to Edmonton where we lived for a year before moving back north to Yellowknife which became home for the next 22 years.

When we moved to Yellowknife, things were not at all positive in our relationship. Although things went well with work and finances and baby Jillie was such a joy for us, Benj was distant and, well .. different. There was little or no intimacy in the marriage and while she devoted herself to our home and our baby, the happy couple no longer existed. I had no idea of the pain that Benj felt and the fact that she had started drinking to ease the pain was not obvious. She had always had a "problem" with alcohol and although she had hidden it well, she now started to use this cane more often -much more than I knew. We talked about children and Benj said she wanted another child and me, in my wisdom, felt that this might make her happy and get our marriage back to a happy place, so I supported the idea. We visited Social Services in Yellowknife and registered for a child and to my surprise the waiting time was short and our boy Jesse Tyler was handed over to us at the age of 7 months in early '89. Jesse was a sweet affectionate boy who doted on attention (except for when he was hungry - he took on the personality of an angry mountain lion) but all in all, he rounded out our family and I hoped that this would make Benj happy and that our family could get on with a normal happy relationship.

Of course, a happy family was not to be. On the surface again, things seemed good and I was content to go along with this but the drinking continued and got worse .. really worse at times.. Benj insisted that she could "handle it" and time went by with the only change being a gradual worsening of the problem. When an opportunity came up for Jill at the age of nine to attend the school of ballet at the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, we decided that it was such a great opportunity for her that Benj would move to Winnipeg with the kids so that Jill could attend this prodigious school. Without really discussing it, this became our unofficial separation as far as our marriage was concerned. Benj appeared to be in control of herself and her drinking and goddamit, I turned a blind eye to her problem and submitted to this set up. This is something that I will forever regret as far as letting the children experience life with their mom in her condition. I should have known.. I should have listened when Jill told me.. I should have realized the extent of Benj's drinking, but I didn't and my kids were the ones that suffered for the drunken episodes. Not only did I let this happen but it was at such a formative time in their lives and although Jill seems to have adapted, although she hurts over her mom and will always angry, Jesse needed his dad to guide him and I was not there for him. My little man has had problems in his life.. some that were probably inherited from his birth mother, but others that should have been avoided or at least eased if I had been there for him. I won't dwell on that at this time but I have told them, and I want my kids to know that I am so sorry that I left them in such a precarious situation. I want them to know that I love them with all my heart and will do whatever I can to help them get on with life and to be happy because happy is what we strive for and need more than anything else.

Benj never could overcome her depression or alcoholism and on occasion she tried to get help with AA but always returned to her bottle. She eventually made herself a home in Teulon and dedicated herself to her house and garden and continued to fool everyone (except Jill) as far as her drinking. She drowned in her bathtub in May of '08 and I must admit I was surprised at her celebration of life event at how many friends she had made in Teulon and the respect that she had with the local populace. Inside, she was always the wonderfully nice person that I fell in love with but unfortunately, the demons eventually won. I don't believe in god myself but if there is one, and Benj had a strong belief in the lord, then she is probably happy in some special place with Ingrid. I would like to think so anyways. Myself, I have to admit that I was not really impacted when I heard of her passing. I was sorry and felt the pain that Jill and Jesse experienced for losing their mom, but I guess that over the years I detached or disconnected her from myself totally. She did cause me a lot of pain and anguish and to be honest, I have looked back and I feel that I let her waste a lot of my time in this world . I blame no one but myself and it is a result of my innate inability to deal with unpleasant situations that let it go as far as it did.

The good.. and there is always good, is the fact that I have two beautiful children. Although they are adopted, they are my natural kids and I love them and will always support them and want to be part of their lives. Jill has given me a beautiful beautiful grand daughter Shaya, and yes, life is good!

more to follow.